Divine Buddha Diva

The Marine Corps Made Me Hot…

July 21st, 2006

The Marine Corps can change your life. It changed my life. Before joining, I used to look different. I was still hot in a weird kind of way, but not as hot as I am now. See equation above. Me as I was years ago plus the Marine Corps equals the Me as I am now. Skin deep beauty aside, I was a Diva then and I am a Diva now. If I were the Commandant of the United States Marine Corps, I would create a new rank - the DFC - Diva First Class.

Posted in Diva, Beauty, Humor, Sandra Bernhard

Marine Corps Way Of Beauty

July 21st, 2006

All Marines are beautiful. It’s amazing how the Marine Corps can transform the prettiest pussified men into bulldog hardcore Marines. See equation above. Nothing wrong with being a man who is pretty or pussified. Nothing wrong with looking like a bulldog Marine. All I’m saying is you join the Corps - you transform. And I think that transformation is beautiful.

Posted in Diva, Beauty, Humor

Pengora The Klingon

July 20th, 2006

I am a United States Marine. Marines are warriors. So spending a month dressed up as a Klingon warrior was the logical thing to do when I was going through my Star Trek phase. Being the hardcore obsessive that I am, I was Pengora the Klingon warrior 24/7 for a month. Whether at work or out shopping my warrior presence turned heads. But this wasn’t anything unusal since I’m always turning heads with my beauty and charm. After about the third day, things became stressful. Not because I had to fight the impulse to release some Klingon Whoop-Ass. Taking a dump wearing that Klingon uniform was getting real old, real fast. QAPLA’!

Posted in Diva

I Was Frida Kahlo

July 19th, 2006

I go through my various phases. I call it personal evolution, my friends call it bullshit. Anyways, about three years ago I saw the movie on the life of Frida Kahlo. Yes, I went through a Frida phase. As part of my beauty regimen I normally shave and pluck my eyebrows. But I let it all grow and transformed into the genius painter Frida Kahlo. Ribbons and dresses, earrings and necklaces - I was so purdy, so very purdy…

Posted in Diva, Humor

Hardcore Is What I Am

July 18th, 2006

I pride myself on being hardcore. Being so sexy, hot, and beautiful, it’s easy for people to think I’m some sort of wilting violet. Nope. Challenge me to a game of wits or something physical and I’m game. I remember once winning a wasabi eating contest. Wasabi is the Japanese green horseradish paste served with sushi. Not particularly hot to the tongue, but will burn a hole through your sinuses. So a group of buddies and I were eating at a sushi restaurant in Okinawa, Japan. One of the guys challenged everyone to this wasabi eating contest. Grunts, tears, laughs and 10 minutes later, I won.

Hardcore is what I am dammit.

Posted in Diva

Paranoid About Peeping Toms

July 17th, 2006

Being the center of attention is wonderful. When a lot of people are simultaneously focusing on me it’s great. But when it’s only one stranger focusing on me - that’s creepy. Once when I was home alone, I knew someone or something was outside watching me. I imagined who or what it could be. A young guy, an old guy, or maybe a perverted granny. A dog, a cat, an owl or maybe a squirrel. I ran through all the possibilities. When I finally thought it might be the CYLOPS watching me, I freaked out and called all my Marine friends to come over.

I may be hardcore, but I get the creeps whenever I think there’s a giant one-eyed monster spying on me!

Posted in Diva, Thoughs, Humor, Fears

Top 10 Reasons I’m Better Than Angelina Jolie

July 16th, 2006

10. I play the violin.
9. I’m good at strategy games.
8. I’m hardcore and have bigger balls.
7. I’ve got more tattoos than her.
6. Nicer smile.
5. Championship body-builder and trophies to prove it.
4. Part Puerto Rican and Korean, which equals Firecracker.
3. Nicer ass.
2. I can tan better than Miss Jolie.
1. Three words - United States Marine

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, let me go watch Gia, Girl Interrupted, and Foxfire a couple more times.

Posted in Diva, Thoughs, Angelina Jolie

HER

July 16th, 2006

I respect Miss Angelina Jolie. I like Miss Jolie. And some days, I want to be Angelina Jolie. Which doesn’t make sense since I’m better than her. So the other night I had a dream she was talking smack about me. I confronted her and asked why she talked smack about me. She denied it. When I looked at her I notice she was wearing my bra and panties! Biotch. When I asked her about my lingerie she said, SHE was the Divine Buddha Diva! I went ape shit, and we got into a sexy catfight. Then Brad Pitt and Oprah appeared and chanted “You go Girl, You go Girl” then offered me some Poppycock popcorn. WTF??! After a while Angelina and I collapsed in exhaustion. We lay embracing each other, laughing and singing Sunday School songs. Crazy.

Anyways, the point is I’M STILL BETTER THAN ANGELINA JOLIE!”

Posted in Diva, Humor, Angelina Jolie

Good Food, Good Friends, Good Times…

July 15th, 2006

I have fond memories of Okinawa. As a United States Marine you’re guaranteed a couple of things - Boot Camp and orders to Okinawa. During my time on Okinawa, I met a lot of people, had many good memories, and enjoyed good food. I can go on and on about Japanese food. But one dish I have fond memories of is spaghetti. Blue Seal One Dish Spaghetti.

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Posted in Joy, Love, Thoughs, Okinawa